Goddammit, Wired. Can’t you even try to respond to the whackjob conspiracy theory nonsense about the Kennedy Assassination? How about pointing out that the so-called “Magic Bullet” only takes a wacky trajectory when you have Connally sitting in the wrong place? When he’s positioned correctly, the bullet follows a straight line.

For a magazine like Wired to give serious credence to Kennedy conspiracy garbage is insane. Everything the conspiracy theorists say is wrong. All the evidence is consistent with a single shooter from the Book Depository.

Jesus.

I used to buy conspiracy theories. But then I learned how to research issues and think critically. Then I learned how to reject unsubstantiated garbage. The I learned that the basic principle operating our government is not conspiracy but gross ineptitude.

The basic thought process behind conspiracy theories is this:

“I don’t understand some aspect of [insert event here] because I haven’t bothered to do any research into firearms, ballistics, chemistry, structural engineering or physiology. I can therefore cram in whatever unproven nonsense I want even if it contravenes all evidence, common sense and physical law.”

If only we could turn bullshit into energy — our global warming problems would be over.

I’ve been a bit of a windy gasbag lately. So here is something funny; Star Trek’s cheesiest monsters:

REDJAC

Episode: “Wolf in the Fold”

Description: As it turns out, Jack the Ripper was actually a swirling pool of colorful clouds that traveled with humanity into space, killing ever more women and taking on ever more stupid names. It takes control of the Enterprise’s computers, and is defeated by a combination of Bones injecting everyone with happy juice and Spock telling the computer to calculate π to the last digit.

Powers: Serial murder, fear eating, starship control.

Weaknesses: Drugs, math.

I got 19 out of 20, though it stupidly doesn’t tell you which ones you got right.

I’m sorry. I know some kids have been killed (they conspicuously avoid saying how many over how long a period of time). But this is pure hysteria. Watch it and tell me that it doesn’t seem like a parody to you.

It must be sweeps weeks because my local TV is doing the same thing. I can’t turn on the radio or TV without hearing about how some menace is going to kill me.

Jesus Christ, newsmedia, will you stop trying to panic people over obscure and minimal dangers? Even if I accept that 31 kids have been killed by soccer goals, that’s far less than die in car accidents, drownings or by their own hand. Every death is a horrible tragedy but let’s get some perspective and concentrate on the big menaces. Children are safer than they’ve ever been. But you wouldn’t know that to listen to our panic-mongering media. Because there’s no way to make a child 100% safe.

I read a lot. Not as much as I’d like. Not as much as Donna over at Moorewatch. A few books a month. But enough to add up to over 1100 volumes in my personal library, which ain’t bad for someone who reads as many science journals and blogs as I do.

I thought I’d start putting up the occasional post about books I’ve read. Not reviews — I don’t have time for that. But mention what I’ve read and whether it sucked or not.

So today I’ll start with an outstanding book I read recently – MIchael Lewis’ The Blind Side, which is really two books in one. The first describes in fascinating detail the rising important of offensive line play in the NFL. I did not know, until I read the book, that the blindside tackle is typically the second highest paid player on an NFL team.

The second story is about Michael Oher, an LT at Ole Miss. (Michael Lewis can be seen telling the outline of the story over at YouTube). Oher was a poor black boy from one of the worst parts of the country who was accidentally enrolled in a Christian academy in rich white Memphis. He had been held back for two grades, had a measured IQ of 80 and scored in the 3rd percentile of tests. A rich white family practically adopted him and began giving him non-stop tutoring. By the end of high school, he had a GPA high enough to get into Ole Miss (where he’s made the Dean’s List) and had a measured IQ slightly over 100. It’s astonishing to see the change in the young man and painful to think of all the black kids out there who have similar unrealized potential.

(Political aside – the system that almost permanently crippled Michael Oher’s mind is the same one that liberals utterly refuse to introduce competition to. What precisely are we preserving when we keep the money in “the system”? Granted, competition may not have helped Michael Oher, whose mother was a crack addict. But it couldn’t have hurt.)

The books also gets into some of the more disturbing things that define white southern culture – sports, God, class and new money. I wouldn’t want to live in either rich or poor Memphis.

Anyway, I thought to bring it up today because Lewis (whose more famous Moneyball is also outstanding — even if most people miss the point) has an article on placekickers in the NFL. Among other things, it confirms my belief that Bill Parcells is a horse’s ass. I’m so happy to see Dallas doing better without him. It also contains a new word I’m going to have to steal – Fanthropomorphism.

I’ve also recently read: It’s Getting Better all the Time by Simon and Moore, which is inspiring but already outdated. It catalogs how dramatically life has improved in this country and in the world over the last century; Summer of ’49, which was entertaining, in its way; and Without Feathers, which wasn’t as funny as I remember it being in college. Oh and another Asterix and Obelix comic, which are not only good but are reminiscent of childhood for me — I used to get them in both german and english as gifts from my godparents.

Man, FOX’s animation block was on crack tonight. Every episode was some series-changing ep. At least Family Guy wasn’t as schmaltzy as Simpsons or King of the Hill (I don’t watch the series for years and that’s what greets me).

What a piece of crap.

So how’s the Radiohead experiment going? Pretty damned well:

The first concrete analysis of Radiohead’s innovative pay-what-you-like plan for latest album In Rainbows shows thirty-eight percent of those who downloaded the title indeed chose to pay something, while 62 percent kept their change in their pocket. ComScore (NSDQ: SCOR) data (via release) shows 1.2 million people visited the site in the first 29 days of October (it was launched at the start of the month).

The average price paid was $6 on a globalized basis but Americans were more generous, coughing up $8.05 – factor in the freeloaders, however, and it’s more like an average $2.26 on a worldwide basis and $3.23 from Americans. The most common amount offered was below $4, but 12 percent were willing to pay between $8 and $12, around the typical cost of an album from iTunes.

Keep in mind, this is mainly a promotional tool. Read the comments. Radiohead is actually not making much less than they would through a record company while generating tons of buzz and goodwill (which will mean ticket sales).

This is great news.

Neckties are bad for you.

I own one of these. We’ve read the warning label and I know better than to leave my daughter unattended in it. But I love this recall. We could bring it back to get … another warning sticker.

I’m looking through Overlawyered’s feed and find this:

The wedding was lovely, except for the flowers: They were the wrong color.

So says the bride, Elana Glatt, who was so miffed at the florist that she filed a lawsuit alleging breach of contract.

She says Posy Floral Design on East 72nd Street substituted pastel pink and green hydrangeas for the dark rust and green ones she had specified for 22 centerpieces.

OK, I can understand this. You paid for certain flowers; the florist didn’t prove them. So you take them to court. But…

They flowers cost $27,435.14. The lawsuit asks for more than $400,000 in restitution and damages.

$27,435.14? $27,435.14?!?!! Twenty-seven thousand four hundred thirty five dollars and fourteen cents?!?!?!!

That just under twice what my own wedding cost — honeymoon included! We bought our flowers wholesale. I arranged them (yes, me – conservative troglodyte Mike). Everyone loved them. Including everything — fancy bouquets and all, we just broke $500 on the flora.

Christ, people spend too much money on weddings.

Bonus Round: Having a brand new little girl myself, this story really gets to me. What the fuck is wrong with people?