Today, I bought my daughter her first toy. Or at least tried. All I wanted was a simple straight-forward rattle. Just a damned stick with a damned ball on one end that made a lot of noise and that I will one day step on and subsequently fall down the stairs.

You can’t buy one. Babies R’ Us doesn’t have them. Nor does Amazon, nor does Ebay – except for expensive souvenier rattles. They have plenty of soft stuff and “natural” or “educational” toys but not just a simple God-damned rattle that my little girl can pick up and shake and make happy goo-goo noises as a result of her burgeoning musical talent.

What the hell?