The Second Law of Movodynamics

So we’re moving at the end of the week. I think I had blocked out how stressful a move can be. I’d forgotten, for example, how packing works. I always start packing weeks in advance, boxing up easy stuff like books. By the time the last week rolls around, I’m feeling pretty good, getting down to maybe that last 5-10%.

And then things get weird.

Because no matter how much effort I put in, that last 5-10% seems to never get done. I’ll pack 16 boxes and there will still be the same amount of crap left in the various nooks and crannies of the house. I have become convinced that the steady state expanding universe theory is correct. The closets of my house that are spontaneously creating new matter with which to fill the universe. All of which I have to pack.

Ugh. I can’t wait ’til this is over.

Hmmm … You Smell Like Grease

What the deuce?

Just in time for your mom Santa to toss this in your Christmas stocking, Burger King has released a limited-edition men’s body spray that evokes the smell of freshly broiled Whoppers. But isn’t this what they spray on the burgers already for authenticity? No! According to a press release, “The King is setting hearts ablaze for the holidays with his new scent of choice. FLAME™, a new men’s body spray by Burger King Corp., features the scent of seduction with the hint of flame-broiled meat. A favorite of the King, FLAME™ is available for purchase for a limited time at select Ricky’s retailers in-store or online.” Because nothing’s more romantic than the scent of mass-produced beef patties…except maybe the sultry FLAME™ website, which is really putting us in the mood (for salad).

I have the wrong number of X-chromosomes to answer this. But do women really get turned on by the smell old grease and broken dreams? No wonder I couldn’t get lucky in high school.

Monday Night Linkorama

  • Crows can be taught to look for loose change. How cool.
  • Real sports fans bring urinal cakes, dontchya know.
  • As an initial supporter of the Iraq War, stories like this appall me. I still think it was a defensible idea. But it was executed in the most incompetent, ham-fisted, bass-ackward manner you could imagine. The defining characteristic of the Bush Administration is not evil or stupidity, but incompetence.
  • Pat Boone goes off the deep end on those danged gays.
  • Why electric cars may not be so hot. Apparently, better improvement in energy efficiency could be obtained by simply re-engineering existing designs. Another reason for government to support alternative energy in a generalized, not specific, way.
  • Cool It

    Bjorn Lomborg rocks. I love someone who can piss off “conservatives” my acknowledging the reality of global warming and infuriate “progressives” by promoting serious discussion on what to do about it.

    . “At the end of the day,” says Lomborg, “this is about saying, Yes, global warming is real. It’s often massively exaggerated, which is why we need smarter solutions…. Let’s pick them smart, rather than stupidly. And also, let’s remember that they are many other problems in the world that we can fix so much cheaper and do so much more good….If this is really a question about doing good in the world, then let’s do real good-and not just make ourselves feel good about what we do.”

    Celebrity Moron Check

    Just in case you were wondering, if you had any doubt — Sean Penn and Steven Soderbergh are fucking morons.

    I have never understood the fascination some on the Left have for bloodthirsty tyrannical communists. When I was in high school, they loved critic-imprisoning, newspaper-closing, Indian-murdering Daniel Ortega. Now all they have left is Fidel Casto and Hugo Chavez (and the corpse of Che Guevara). What is it about some people that makes them embrace evil so willingly? Evil like this:

    A former revolutionary comrade recalled that, in the days before and immediately following their 1959 ascension to power, Raul and Che Guevara “competed in killings and viciousness,” executing all suspected of being “agents” of Batista or “counterrevolutionaries.” Another former comrade and friend of the Castro brothers, the writer Norberto Fuentes, told Brian Latell, author of the book After Fidel: Raul Castro and the Future of Cuba’s Revolution, a “chilling” story of Raul’s “cold-bloodedness.” In 1966 Raul inexplicably exhumed the bodies of those he ordered executed in the city of Santiago, encased them in a collective concrete “coffin,” and deposited the corpses in the deep seas off the island.

    Then there was Michael Moore’s lauding of the Cuban healthcare system, which we thoroughly ripped apart over at Moorewatch.

    What the hell, man? I get criticism of our system. I may not agree with it but I understand it. I get criticism of our foreign policy. I may not agree with it but I understand it. This nonsense I don’t and never will understand. It’s, frankly, a child-like way of going through life — finding someone who seems “cool” and “revolutionary” and worshipping them.

    Buy!

    A little crazy today as we’re closing on a house. The HUD document specifies — no shit — 18 different people/companies that are getting money out of this transaction. The city, the county, the schools, the state, 2 realtors, the lender, the appraiser, a flood certifier, a tax service, a mortgage broker, my home insurer, the settlement company, the wire transfer company, the home warranty company, a radon mitigation company, the holders of the previous owner’s mortgage. Oh, and I think the previous owners might be getting something too.

    No wonder our politicians want to prop up the housing market.

    NPSM

    Nick Gillespie goes non-linear:

    This never was a “helluva good country,” at least when it came to politicians. We just pretended it was. Certainly, after a decade or more of NPSMs up the ying-yang (apologies, but we are talking about politics, which driveth all decent men and women mad), it’s impossible to have any illusions. We are a nation of Depends wearers, even those of us who are half the age of John McCain.

    I’m feeling this a lot these days. Over at Right-Thinking, it seems that 90% of my posts are whining about something stupid and massively expensive that the government is doing — from wars to bailouts. I look to Washington and am reminded of the words of Johnathan Swift:

    I desired that the senate of Rome might appear before me, in one large chamber, and an assembly of somewhat a later age in counterview, in another. The first seemed to be an assembly of heroes and demigods; the other, a knot of pedlars, pick-pockets, highwayman, and bullies.

    But I think things have got to turn around soon. Bill James once observed that progress comes in the guise of failure. Watergate wasn’t about politicians being corrupt — they always had been. Watergate was about the American ceasing to put up with it. Racial tension wasn’t created in the 1960’s. It just exploded into the national consciousness when we decided we wouldn’t put up with it anymore.

    Thanks to the internet, our politicians no longer have a lap-dog media to cover up their nonsense. It may take a while. But I think a lot of the cynicism and anger now is because the American people are refusing to tolerate this kind of garbage anymore. A revolution is going to come (not the violent type; the ballot box type).

    Thursday Night Linkorama

  • Apparently, AFL-CIO isn’t quite sure where the Home of the Whopper is. Funny how it’s evil for McDonald’s to participate in the political process, but just fine for unions to.
  • Who knew? Jews wrote all the good Christmas songs. You can’t escape us.
  • Another one from the best Obama impersonator. The thing about his imitations is that he gets the key to Obama — his basic likability. I heard Obama at a press conference this morning talking about the Blagojevich scandal (imagine, a President having frequent press conferences!) and he again came across as very sensible. I’m probably going to oppose a lot of what Obama wants. But I think I’ll continue to like him as a person.
  • Saletan argues that funding Planned Parenthood is a pro-life thing. I agree partially — a lot of their money still goes to abortions. But if your goal is decreasing abortions, supporting birth control is the most rational thing to do. I can’t understand those who oppose it.
  • Levels of Violence

    Suderman makes a good point over at Culture11 (fast becoming the best blog for conservatism):

    The attacks in Mumbai were stomach-churning to follow while they were happening, and good information was hard to come by — there’s a good case to be made that the best reporting on the scene was done via Twitter — but the Wall Street Journal has now put together an excellent, thoroughly reported rundown of the whole harrowing affair. One of the things that always strikes me when reading accounts of terrors like these is how eerily cinematic they are. I find it difficult to contextualize violent massacres without some sort of silver-screen reference point — and I suspect that’s pretty common. There are multiple reasons for this, of course: For one thing, most of us have no frame of reference for anything like this except what we’ve seen at the movies, so it’s natural that we make those comparisons. After 9/11, The Onion grimly compared the attacks to action-maestro Jerry Bruckheimer’s movies. And it makes sense: Violence on that scale, in an American city, is something that most of us have only ever seen in movies. But the thing is, most casual movie goers have seen scenes like that repeatedly; spectacular death and destruction is one of the movie industry’s specialties.

    Hollywood exploits these sorts of events for their inherent tension, repackaging them as exciting and thrilling adventures rather than ugly massacres. It usually makes me queasy and unsettled, to some extent, because I’m an unabashed fan of violent entertainment. I’ll admit: I love onscreen gunfights and shootouts, the more over the top the better. I’ve waxed ecstatic over the bullet-ridden 45 minute finale of John Woo’s Hard Boiled, which includes one of the highest death tolls of any movie in the last few decades (the sequence is set at a hospital, and at one point, the film’s bad guy walks into a room full of hostages and mows them all down with an automatic weapon). Watching a sequence like that in a movie is exciting and fun; watching a similar scene in real life is deeply disturbing. Part of me thinks this is a problem; action movies train us not to react with horror to these sorts of events. But I also wonder if it isn’t natural, a release of some sort, a way to indulge violent urges without resorting to real violence, or a way for human beings to understand the daily, life-and-death struggle for existence — long before movies, human stories revolved around death and violence, and often involved heroes who slayed all those in their way. For whatever reason, we, as a species, seem to be drawn in by narratives of calamity, destruction, and bloodshed.

    This has long been my issue with those who would restrict or ban movie violence. I believe that human beings are a violent species. We have to be. We are carnivores who have come to dominate the planet. The quest of civilization is not to end those violent urges, but to channel them into less destructive paths. Hence, the pretend violence of movies or video games, I believe, is a good thing. It satisfies our violent urge without doing any real harm.

    People who think that violent entertainment is new need to get some historical perspective (in fact, everyone needs to get some historical perspective about just about everything — but that’s another post).

    Two thousand years ago, entertainment consisted of tossing Christians to lions. Real people, real lions, real screams, real blood, real suffering. And the Romans considered it good for children to watch — it built character.

    Five hundred years ago, the Spanish were torturing heretics as entertainment. Real people, real hot irons, real screams, real blood, real suffering. And they considered it good for children to watch and see the fruits of blasphemy. Around that time, cat-burning was popular in France. This consisted of lowering a bound cat over flames and laughing and feasting as it screamed. The medieval world and parts of the modern world are replete with similar examples.

    A hundred years ago in this country, we performed executions in public. It was considered good entertainment if the noose failed to snap their neck and the condemned kicked and struggled while slowly choking over hours or days. It was considered good for children to go and see the fruits of criminality.

    In light of this bloody history, I just can’t get worked up over two guys firing blanks at each other on TV or some kid blowing away pixels on a video screen.

    As I get older, I find myself getting more and more bothered by the casualness of movie violence, identifying with the secondary and tertiary characters who just killed as if it’s nothing. But I don’t think I will ever fail to get that visceral thrill from pretend violence. It goes right to my nature as a human being.

    The Perfect Matchup

    Dan Wetzel has a great column about the supposed wonderful BCS matchup of Florida and Oklahoma:

    Pre-BCS, Florida would be in the Sugar Bowl, Oklahoma in the Orange and no one would have any idea which team was better. They’d just hold a vote at the end and pick one. It was ridiculous.

    The idea back then was that since the top two teams were often easily identifiable why not create a system that could get them together?

    It wasn’t the worst idea and while still full of corruption, duplicity and stupidity, it helped fuel the very surge in popularity that makes it so useless in current times.

    The number of college football programs that are truly competing for a national championship has grown exponentially in just a decade. We’re talking facilities, coaching salaries, staff budgets and, perhaps most importantly, fan intensity.

    College football is far more competitive than it once was. Everyone is on television so recruits will play just about anywhere. These aren’t the old days, when top players would gladly sit on the powerhouse bench for three years just for the chance as a senior. Now they go find playing time.

    In the SEC just this season, coaches who owned a national title, a perfect season and the most recent league coach of the year honors were all out of their jobs. Each of them had a winning season in 2007.

    That just didn’t happen in the mid-1990s.

    When the suits were drawing this up, they assumed that most years, two teams would navigate the season with perfect records. That’s how it used to be. The selection process would be nice and easy.

    They designed for the future based on the past. Then the future changed so quickly the past doesn’t even seem like the same sport.

    What we have now is the new normal. Not only did no one go undefeated last year, two-loss Louisiana State won the championship. Every year there are an increasing number of teams that are in contention at season’s end.

    So it comes down to marketing; which team can convince fickle voters they are more deserving than the other teams of essentially similar résumé.

    There is no rhyme, nor reason. No strategy that makes sense. No collective sense of what the system values. Is it whom you beat and how? Is it who you lost to and how? Is it strength of schedule?

    Is it OU’s mighty offense? Or USC’s incredible defense?

    How can you tell when the voters make no sense.

    Read the whole thing. Oklahoma and Florida are great teams. But what about USC, who allowed less than 8 points a game on a rough schedule? What about Penn State, who came within a field goal of a perfect season? What about Boise State or Utah?

    Yeah, their conferences are weak? Really? What is this based on? Any fact? Or is Oklahoma impressive because they whomped an over-rated Mizzou team? Or is Florida impressive because they whomped an over-rated Georgia? There’s an awful lot of circularity in these ratings.

    We only have Oklahoma and Florida because the writers think running up huge scores — even against weak opponents — is impressive. There is absolutely no reason USC, Penn State, Boise State, Utah, maybe Texas shouldn’t be included.

    And for all those saying that “the regular season is the playoff”, just stop. Tell that to Texas. They beat Oklahoma but watched the Big 12 Championship from their living room. that doesn’t happen in a playoff system.

    Mad Dog

    One of the greatest pitchers in baseball history is retiring. Joe Posnanski breaks down one of his greatest games. I can’t believe it’s been eleven years.

    Watching Maddux pitch in his prime was something else. He would get batters so mixed up and frustrated they’d be yelling at him from the dugout. At least once a game he’d throw a pitch that had the better saying, “What the hell was that?” It was a privilege to be a Braves’ fan back then. Three out of five nights, you were seeing a future Hall of Famer work his craft. And at least one night a week, you saw the baseball equivalent of Picasso.

    Let’s also not forget: Maddux could be really funny.

    More on Maddux from Neyer and Verducci (also 1995 Verducci). I really hope Mad Dog has a career as a broadcast or analyst. I don’t want to have seen the last of him.

    Astronomy, Sports, Mathematical Malpractice, Whatever Else Pops Into My Head