You can never find your cellphone. I’m bad with cellphones to begin with. I rarely carry mine and it’s constantly out of juice. A couple of years ago, I lost a phone in West Texas. And another perished in the Great Root Beer Incident of 2007.

But now that I have a kid — one who is utterly fascinated by my phone — I can pretty much kiss it goodbye. It will go missing for days only to later reappear it in the cat food. It’s really only a matter of time until it’s flushed down the toilet.

WTF?.

I thought those footprints looked computer-generated.

I just saw a JC Penny commercial the ripped off The Breakfast Club.

That movie is now considered an old cult classic. Egad.

Apparently, I missed all the fun while I was in Austin:

How many cheerleaders can cram into an elevator? Apparently not 26. A group of teenage girls attending a cheerleading camp on the University of Texas got stuck and had to be rescued after trying to squeeze into an elevator at a residence hall Tuesday night.

One girl fainted and was treated at a hospital and released. Two others were treated at the scene.

The elevator doors refused to open after the pack of 14- to 17-year-olds descended from the fourth to the first floor, police said. Responding to a few panicked cell phone calls from the group, police and firefighters summoned an elevator repairman, who spent about 25 minutes extricating them.

Campus officials weren’t amused.

“It’s dangerous, actually,” said a school police spokeswoman, Rhonda Weldon. “They’re lucky that that’s all that happened.”

Well, to be fair, 26 cheerleaders probably weight a lot less than say, ten astronomers. But this doesn’t surprise me. Packs of teenage girls can often act as dumb as any group of men numbering more than zero.

Cool.

Time Magazine’s article on the subject is just disturbing. What’s wrong with people?

This is the right way to deal with homage or mockery. Make money off of it!

My opinion of Jim Davis just went way up.

Good gravy:

The state’s water park regulator said Thursday it appears a family was injured on a new slide at Rapids Water Park because their combined weight was between 850 and 900 pounds – much heavier than the posted limit for a single raft.

“There were warning signs at the slide. There’s a maximum 700 pounds for riders,” said Terence McElroy, spokesman for the Florida Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services.

However, a lawyer for the injured family has declined to rule out the possibility that a suit might be filed on behalf of John D. Lenahan and his three children.

Ride inspectors arrived at Rapids Water Park in Riviera Beach on Wednesday afternoon after fire-rescue was called to treat Lenahan and the children, who were injured when their raft flipped over on the new Black Thunder attraction, McElroy said.

One father. Three children aged 11, 14 and 15. 900 lbs. That’s 225 lbs per Lenahan. Unless his children are all strapping football players, I suspect this is another Attack of the American Diet.

What’s really interesting is the sidebar:

Of 206 total accidents at both permanent parks such as Rapids Water Park and traveling carnivals, 186 were found to have been caused by patron error.

No number on how many patrons we’re talking about. But when 90% of the problem is patron error, I would say we’ve safetied these things up to about the public’s level of intelligence.

Not that this means the regulators should go home. Anytime you’re dealing with children and water, supervision is a good idea.

If this ever becomes widespread, the internet will be filled with a ghostly silence.

I watch morning TV with my daughter. Correction: morning TV is on. She plays with her toys. I play with my computer.

Sesame Street is a kids’ show, but it’s a good kids’ show. It’s kind of fun to watch it my little girl. And they’re kind of clever, sometimes. Of course, it also has some nostalgia value even though I have no clear memories of watching the show as a kid.

What follow Sesame Street is another story. I’d heard of Barney the purple dinosaur before and assumed that the extreme hostility some feel toward him was exaggerated or some strangely hip thing, like hating the Phantom Menace. I now find that I was wrong. Barney sucks. His show is incredibly annoying. I just want to run onto the stage and start punching those big dinosaurs. I’m hoping very fervently that my daughter feels the same way.

I’ve heard of bad brides, but this is ridiculous. Some women are demanding that their bridesmaids get cosmetic surgery — in one case asking that they get breast implants.

You know the oppression of women by men has nothing on the oppression of women by each other.